goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
