No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize