he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
