so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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