remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
