On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i would punch a child for taco bell
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
