oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Floor bacon is actually really good
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
