The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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