sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
