I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
