i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
