I am spending my child support on dildos
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
