I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
