my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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