she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
