she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
