i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
