Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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