Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
