called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
