Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
