If i come over, it means nothing
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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