you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
