I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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