Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Girls should come with a carfax report
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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