why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
