How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
