That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
