why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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