I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
