Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
