just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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