never play flip cup with pint glasses
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
