imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
