About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
