look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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