Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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