he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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