nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
