i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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