I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
