it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
