You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
