You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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