Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
