She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
