The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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