Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
