Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
