She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
