I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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