I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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