I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
