I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
