I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
