she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just high enough for therapy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
