im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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