Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
