Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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