I think my fart just growled at me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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