I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
