there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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