420 ftw
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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