Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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