the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
