Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
