you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
