Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
