Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
