drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
