That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
